My thoughts on motherhood start here: I feel like the luckiest person in the world to be the mother of my three-year-old son. He is the joy and light of my life and every second of the life we share is precious to me. I was lucky to have him — I was told I might be unable to have children, so he is a true gift, the likes of which I've never known. That said, there are times in motherhood that are more of a challenge than others.
Honest Thoughts on Motherhood
Motherhood Is Hard
Those of us who had a hard pregnancy or difficulty getting pregnant never want to take motherhood for granted. Like me, I was never sure it was going to happen. I struggled my entire life with health issues and wondered whether it was a good idea to pass on my DNA to another person. I have never lost sight of that.
With every situation that arises — many of which are just typical little kid illnesses — I worry. Is this the time they'll say he inherited my problems? I get nervous at checkups. I worry when I see any small sign that something came from me. But I am learning not to overreact, and that is definitely a win on the plus side of being his mom. I'm learning to let go.
Motherhood Is Exhausting
I'm exhausted all the time. The amount of personal space I get is very little, if any. I'm not complaining — I'm just being honest, because this is one of the harder parts of motherhood. I am not the world's best sleeper, and I have sleep envy when it comes to my husband. His head hits the pillow and it's lights out. When I finally fall asleep, it feels like I'm the only one who hears my son crying in the middle of the night. As my dad always says, dads are not the mama. And it's true.
Everything Falls on Me
The New Mama Deck® was born from the idea that moms are typically the ones running point. The same is true for our Date Deck® and all the other decks in between. Moms are it when it comes to organization and planning — not because we're necessarily better at it, but because of this persistent idea that we can do it all and nothing will fall between the cracks. What actually falls between the cracks is "me" time. The struggle to find personal space amid everything else we carry is real and it is relentless.
When my husband is tired, he takes a nap. The world can be falling apart around him and he doesn't notice. He doesn't notice that we need to plan a birthday party, or get a gift for his mom, or that enrollment for preschool is backed up several years. I, on the other hand, am laser focused. I went into motherhood with a clear image of how it was supposed to look, and I'm playing that out in living color every single day. Sometimes I wish I could turn off the channel and just let go of the mantra: if I don't do it, it won't get done.
Time Is My Most Precious Commodity
When my husband leaves for work, he shuts the door and focuses on his projects. I focus on my work projects and care for our son. Simultaneously. Children require full-time attention, and so does work. Try to do both at the same time and it is a feat the likes of which I had never imagined before becoming a mother. My husband can compartmentalize his time — he goes to his office, he's off duty at home. He comes home from work, he's on duty. The lines are clearly defined.
My lines are blurred, and my days feel like they never fully end. Where one part of my day starts and another begins is impossible to visualize. I'm multitasking my life — and sometimes my husband's life as well. Women who stay home to care for a baby often get less credit than they deserve. My husband gets a promotion and all eyes go that way, rightly so. But I sometimes wonder whether the people congratulating him stop to recognize what's happening behind the scenes, and how much of his capacity to do his job well comes from the love and support of his family at home.
Do We All Feel This Way?
I had this same conversation with my neighbor the other day. She works out of an office and has three little kids. She was dropping two of them at home after picking them up from school, then turning right back around to go to work — with a baby a month old. We waved. She rolled down the window to ask how I was doing, and I asked her the same. There was that look. The "I'm overwhelmed" eye roll and half smile that is a kind of woman's secret code. But buried in that look is joy. It's just sometimes covered under half-empty baby bottles and school artwork and sandy shoes and a zillion little toys in both the front and back seat. That is life at its finest. It's just hard to recognize in the middle of it.
This is the real discussion of motherhood — priorities, values, and the cost of time. Time is worth more than we say or recognize, especially when you are home all day with a small child. Time and space are what give us room to think and create and realize ourselves. Without them, we can start to feel robotic.
Why New Mama Deck® Exists
With all of this in mind, New Mama Deck® was designed to give new moms a little extra time and space to catch their breath. Ideas are outsourced, decisions are simplified, and more breathing room finds its way back into a new mama's day. Most importantly, the prompts remind new moms to take care of themselves — so they don't get lost in perfectionism, or in the relentless pace of doing it all. Give it to a new mom who is making the transition to motherhood. It may be the best gift she receives.
And if the mental load of motherhood is making it hard to know where to start, our guide to reducing decision fatigue is worth reading on the first quiet morning you get.
