Random acts of kindness. We spend a lot of time talking about random acts of kindness, but the phrase itself raises an interesting question. Are these acts truly random, or are they something more intentional?

I read an article in Psychology Today that made me think differently about this. The article by Susan Smalley is titled There Are No Random Acts of Kindness: The Non Random Nature of Kindness Is Key to Its Value.

It challenges the idea that kindness happens by chance.

Read the excerpt from the article below:

I think it is a misnomer to describe acts of kindness as random; kindness arises with an intention to “be kind” followed by an action. While the acts may be directed toward anonymous people or animals, the person’s act of kindness is anything but random — it is deliberate and directional — non-random in nature.

I think that the non-random nature of kindness is key to its value. It reflects a conscious choice on the part of the actor, to give, to help, to share and to soothe. It seems to me that it is in the conscious choice we reveal our role in shaping our own humanity and even our evolutionary future.

The other day I saw my daughter preparing a “sack lunch” for her boyfriend who is in a rather rigorous 5 day a week 8 hour a day school program. She wrote his name on the bag — just like I used to do for her and her brothers when they were little. It was such a sweet act of kindness, and it made me think about all those sack lunches that will be prepared in the next months as the fall school season begins.

The preparation of a sack lunch for a loved one is full of kindness; it is intentional and directional. I remember writing little notes and including small “surprises” (e.g. Hershey kiss) for my kids in their lunches when they were little. A sack lunch can carry a lot of love within it.

But there are many non-random acts of kindness around us all the time. When we meet a homeless man or woman on the street, we may offer a cup of coffee, give some change, or just wish them well with a smile and hello. That is anything but random — we choose to place our attention on them and we choose how to respond — with kindness or not…

I think what we really want to practice are more non-random acts of kindness – directed to those we know and to those we don’t know – as much possible.

I am sure it will make our lives happier and the world a kinder place.

I’m not ready to throw out use of the term random acts of kindness just yet. I think it is still probably the best way to describe the deliberate acts of kindness aimed at random recipients, but I believe Dr. Smalley makes a great point. Acts of kindness are a deliberate decision. We choose to act. We choose to take a moment out of our lives and do something kind.

Random Act of Kindness or Deliberate Decision?

The argument is simple but worth sitting with.

Kindness is not random. It begins with a decision to be kind, followed by an action. Even when the recipient is unknown, the act itself is intentional.

Dr. Smalley explains it this way:

Kindness reflects a conscious choice to give, to help, to share, and to soothe. It is not accidental. It is directional.

That idea shifts how we think about everyday moments. Instead of seeing kindness as something that just happens, it becomes something we choose to do.

Why the Non-Random Nature of Kindness Matters

If kindness is a decision, then it says something about how we move through the world.

Each time we act with kindness, we are choosing how we respond to what is in front of us. That choice shapes not only the moment, but also how we see ourselves.

It is easy to overlook small acts, but they carry weight. A simple gesture can change the tone of someone’s day, and over time, those choices build into something larger.

The value is not just in the act itself. It is in the intention behind it.

Everyday Examples of Intentional Kindness

The other day, I saw my daughter preparing a sack lunch for her boyfriend, who is in a demanding school program. She wrote his name on the bag, just like I used to do for her and her brothers when they were younger.

It was a simple moment, but it stayed with me.

The preparation of that lunch was not random. It was thoughtful and deliberate. It was a small act that carried care and attention.

I remember doing the same thing years ago. Writing notes, adding a small treat, making sure something familiar was there for them in the middle of their day.

A sack lunch can carry more than food. It can carry a sense of being cared for.

Kindness Beyond the People We Know

There are also moments of kindness directed toward people we do not know.

You may pass someone on the street and decide to offer a cup of coffee, give a few dollars, or simply make eye contact and say hello. That moment is not random.

You noticed them. You chose how to respond.

Those choices happen quietly throughout the day. Most go unnoticed by others, but they still matter.

They reflect how we choose to engage with the world around us.

Why We Still Say Random Acts of Kindness

Even with all of this, I am not ready to stop using the phrase random acts of kindness.

It still works as a way to describe acts that are directed toward unexpected recipients. The randomness may not be in the decision itself, but in who receives it.

So the phrase stays, even if the meaning shifts slightly.

Kindness is still a deliberate decision. We choose to take a moment, to step outside of ourselves, and to do something for someone else.

Practicing Kindness with Intention

What we are really practicing is not randomness, but awareness.

Looking for opportunities to be kind, both to people we know and people we do not know, changes how we move through our day.

It becomes less about reacting and more about choosing.

Over time, those choices become part of how we live.

Random Acts of Kindness Deck and Hack Decks®

Our Random Acts of Kindness Deck offers simple, meaningful ways to practice kindness in everyday life.

The deck includes 52 prompts that encourage small, thoughtful actions toward friends, family, and even strangers. These are not complicated gestures. They are simple ways to show care in a way that feels natural and doable.

It is also something that can be shared. Work through the deck, then pass it along to someone else so they can continue the ripple effect.

Kindness has a way of carrying forward.

No action goes unnoticed, even when it feels small. Giving kindness is a gift, both to others and to yourself. When you pass it forward, you create space for someone else to do the same.