Random Acts of Kindness: Are They Really Random?

We talk a lot about random acts of kindness, but the phrase raises an interesting question:

Are acts of kindness really random?

I started thinking differently about this after reading Susan Smalley, Ph.D.'s Psychology Today article, There Are No Random Acts of Kindness.

Her idea is simple:

The recipient may be unexpected.

The decision to be kind is not.

We notice an opportunity, then choose whether to act.

Key Takeaways

• Kindness usually begins with a deliberate choice.

• The recipient or timing may be random, even when the action is intentional.

• Everyday gestures can carry more meaning than we realize.

• Practicing kindness starts with noticing opportunities.

• Small acts can create a ripple effect.

• The Random Acts of Kindness Deck gives you one concrete way to act when you do not know where to begin.

Random Act of Kindness or Deliberate Decision?

Susan Smalley, Ph.D., explores this idea in her Psychology Today article, There Are No Random Acts of Kindness.

Her point is that kindness begins with intention.

We choose to:

• Help

• Give

• Share

• Encourage

• Comfort

• Acknowledge someone

The opportunity may appear unexpectedly, but our response is still a choice.

That changes the way I think about the phrase random acts of kindness.

Maybe the randomness is in the moment.

Not in the kindness.

Everyday Kindness Can Be Small

We sometimes make kindness more complicated than it needs to be.

It does not require:

• A large donation

• Hours of volunteer work

• An expensive gift

• A dramatic gesture

Kindness might look like:

• Holding a door

• Sending a handwritten note

• Making someone coffee

• Letting another driver merge

• Calling a friend

• Giving a compliment

• Helping with a household task

• Checking on someone who lives alone

If you want more ideas, see 50 Random Acts of Kindness You Can Do Today.

You can also find more inspiration in Small Ways to Show Random Acts of Kindness.

A Sack Lunch Can Carry a Lot of Love

One example that made this idea especially meaningful to me happened in my own family.

I watched my daughter prepare a sack lunch for her boyfriend while he was going through a demanding school program.

She wrote his name on the bag.

Immediately, I thought about the lunches I used to prepare for her and her brothers when they were younger.

I would sometimes add:

• A little note

• A small treat

• Something unexpected

Packing lunch sounds ordinary.

But when you prepare something specifically because you want someone else's day to be a little easier, it becomes an act of care.

A sack lunch can carry more than food.

It can carry the message:

I was thinking about you.

Kindness Toward People We Do Not Know

Some acts of kindness are directed toward people we may never see again.

You might:

• Buy someone a cup of coffee.

• Help someone who looks lost.

• Hold the elevator.

• Give up your seat.

• Return something someone dropped.

• Make eye contact and say hello.

• Let someone ahead of you in line.

The person may be a stranger.

The moment may be unexpected.

But the choice to respond with kindness is yours.

Why We Still Say Random Acts of Kindness

I am not ready to give up the phrase random acts of kindness.

It still works.

The randomness may simply refer to:

• Who receives the act

• When the opportunity appears

• Where it happens

You do not wake up knowing that at 2:15 this afternoon you will hold a door for someone carrying three bags.

You encounter the moment.

Then you decide what to do with it.

Practicing Kindness Starts With Awareness

If we want to become kinder, one of the simplest things we can do is pay more attention.

Ask:

Who could use a little help right now?

Or:

What small thing could I do to make someone's day easier?

You may begin noticing opportunities that were always there.

The tired parent.

The new employee.

The neighbor.

The friend you have not called in months.

Kindness often starts with noticing someone.

Gratitude Can Lead to Kindness

Gratitude and kindness naturally work together.

Someone checks on you.

Later, you remember to check on someone else.

Someone sends you a thoughtful note.

You decide to write one too.

Someone helps you when you are overwhelmed.

That experience makes you more aware of opportunities to help another person.

Gratitude asks:

What can I appreciate?

Kindness asks:

What can I do?

Small Acts Can Create a Ripple Effect

One act may lead to another.

Someone buys your coffee.

Later, you buy someone else's.

A stranger lets you merge into traffic.

You do the same for another driver.

A friend sends an encouraging text at exactly the right moment.

You think of someone else who could use one.

That is the idea behind the Ripple Effect of Kindness: How Small Gestures Change Everything.

You may never know where the ripple ends.

You do not need to.

The original act still mattered.

Why Prompts Can Help

Most of us already know kindness is important.

The harder question is often:

What should I actually do?

Then the day gets busy and the idea disappears.

A prompt gives you a starting point.

Instead of simply telling yourself to be kinder, you have one concrete action to take.

That is the idea behind the Random Acts of Kindness Deck from Hack Decks®.

Random Acts of Kindness Deck and Hack Decks®

The Random Acts of Kindness Deck contains 52 prompts designed to encourage simple actions toward:

• Friends

• Family

• Coworkers

• Neighbors

• Strangers

The prompts are not designed to require elaborate planning or expensive gestures.

They answer one simple question:

What is one kind thing I can do?

Pull a card.

Follow the prompt.

Move on with your day.

You can browse the current Hack Decks collection for available decks.

For more background on the movement itself, read The History of Random Acts of Kindness and the Movement for Good.

Pass the Deck Forward

The Random Acts of Kindness Deck can also become part of the ripple.

Work through the prompts.

Then pass the deck to someone else.

Now they have 52 opportunities to continue what you started.

One deck can move:

Person to person.

Home to home.

Act to act.

That feels especially appropriate for something built around kindness.

Frequently Asked Questions

Are Random Acts of Kindness Really Random?

The opportunity or recipient may be unexpected, but the decision to act kindly is usually intentional.

What Is an Intentional Act of Kindness?

It is any deliberate action meant to help, encourage, acknowledge, or support another person.

Do Acts of Kindness Have to Cost Money?

No.

Many acts of kindness cost nothing.

Try:

• Listening

• Giving a compliment

• Calling someone

• Helping with a task

• Saying thank you

• Letting someone go ahead of you

How Can I Practice Kindness More Often?

Start by paying attention to small opportunities.

You can also use a prompt when you want to act but do not know what to do.

What Is the Random Acts of Kindness Deck?

The Random Acts of Kindness Deck is a 52-card prompt deck designed to turn the intention to be kind into specific, manageable actions.

Can I Pass the Deck to Someone Else?

Yes.

Passing the deck along after using it is one way to extend the idea from one person to another.

Kindness Is a Choice

Maybe we do not need to worry too much about whether the word random is technically perfect.

The more important part is what happens next.

We notice.

We choose.

We act.

Sometimes the person is someone we love.

Sometimes it is someone we will never meet again.

Either way, kindness begins with a decision.

Notice the opportunity. Choose kindness. Pass it forward.