In this digital age, a handwritten note may seem like a relic. But etiquette experts say they can be more powerful than ever.
These days, checking your mailbox can be a disheartening experience. You shuffle past catalogs and bills, riffling through political fliers and advertising postcards. But sometimes, if you’re lucky, you come across an envelope with handwriting that you recognize, thanking you for something you did, or gave.
The thank-you note may seem to be a holdover from a time of Rolodexes and rotary phones. But etiquette experts and social observers disagree. Many people, including experts, believe that this is a crucial part of etiquette that should not be forgotten or overlooked.
A handwritten expression of gratitude has never been more important. It can even be a gift itself.
A handwritten thank-you note isn’t just a time-honored art. A thank-you note is an act of thoughtfulness that makes our society a better place by encouraging a spirit of kindness. And while an emailed thanks is a great gesture, many experts say that, in this virtual age, a traditional, physical note is more powerful than ever.
I send thank you notes for every thing I receive. And I insist that my kids do it, too, even though they're in their thirties. Old fashioned thank-you notes matter more now than they have in the past because so few people write them. Handwritten notes are a differentiator. They show the person you’re thanking that you made a sincere effort to acknowledge their act of kindness or generosity.
A thank you note is important, not just when people give you a gift but also when they go out of their way to do something nice for you, such as inviting you to their home for a special dinner, stepping in during a childcare emergency or attending an event for a charity you support. They’re also fitting for a person who interviewed you for a job.
Sometimes a quick texted note is adequate.
Sometimes a quick text will suffice, like if you thank someone for the flowers they sent for watching their pet when they were away. But in most cases, a note is appropriate.
The ideal note is short and to the point. Typically, it includes a three-sentence structure. Thank the person for the gift or gesture and then be specific about why you appreciate it. Tell the person how the gift or act made you feel and how much you appreciate the time and thought that went into it.
Mention your next interaction, if appropriate.
The final sentence can reiterate the thanks and mention your next interaction with the person. And, of course, closing salutations can vary depending on the formality of the relationship. If you’re writing to a colleague or a boss, “Sincerely” or “Best” is fitting. For a close family member or friend, go for “Love,” “Warmly” or “Yours truly” — or take a playful approach with “XOXO.”
As to on what to write your thank-you note, you don’t need fancy stationery or a card, although it’s a nice touch. A sheet of notebook paper will suffice. But if you want to go the extra mile, put together a “No Excuses” box, filled with thank-you cards, envelopes, stamps and a pen so that writing that note is fast and easy. I have a "No Excuses" box for both thank-you notes and birthday cards, and it makes sending both a breeze. Most importantly, showing gratitude through writing never goes out of style.
Random Acts of Kindness Deck and Hack Decks®
A thank-you card is just one example of a gesture of kindness that goes a long way toward making someone's day. Thank-you cards make others know that the effort you put into doing something kind was appreciated and acknowledged. For example, when we give a gift for an occasion, it takes time to think about what to give, purchase the gift and send it. If our actions are not acknowledged, or are acknowledged late or incorrectly, it makes us feel as though giving a gift was not worth the time and effort we put into it. While acts of kindness are not given with expectation, receiving a gift and not acknowledging it can appear rude to the giver.
Do something kind for someone when they do something kind for you. Show gratitude. And, as a secondary gesture, pay it forward. Kindness never goes unnoticed and neither does gratitude.
For more ideas about how to show Random Acts of Kindness, pick up a deck of our Random Acts of Kindness cards that offers ideas about how to be present in this world. Never overlook an opportunity to show gratitude.
