What is kindness?
Kindness is more than behavior. The art of kindness involves having a spirit of helpfulness, being generous and considerate, and doing so without expecting anything in return. Random acts of kindness, practiced daily, can transform both the giver and the receiver. This spirit of giving without expectation is called detached engagement.
One of the earliest concepts I learned in yoga, yet one which is not easy to put into practice, is detached engagement. Being human means having feelings and emotions. When you are aware of those emotions and allow them to flow without judgment or attempting to control an outcome, you are practicing detached engagement. When you give your gifts in life without any expectation of receiving something back in return, you are practicing detached engagement. When you let a situation just occur and play out without trying to influence the outcome, you are practicing detached engagement.
Rather than viewing kindness and detached engagement exclusively as an action, think of kindness as a quality of being you can cultivate. Giving kindness often is simple, free and health-enhancing.
As the Dalai Lama says: "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."
Good for the body
Kindness has been shown to increase self-esteem, empathy and compassion. It also directly impacts mood. It can decrease blood pressure and cortisol, a hormone directly correlated with stress levels. People who give of themselves in a balanced way also tend to be healthier and live longer.
Kindness can increase your sense of connectivity with others, decrease loneliness, combat low mood and improve relationships. It also can be contagious, encouraging others to join in with their own generous deeds. Looking for ways to show kindness can give you something to focus on, especially if you are anxious or stressed in certain social situations. Kindness and compassion can reduce these negative feelings, a fact supported by multiple studies.
Random acts of kindness are good for the mind
Physiologically, kindness can positively change your brain by boosting levels of serotonin and dopamine. These neurotransmitters produce feelings of satisfaction and well-being and cause the pleasure and reward centers in the brain to light up. Endorphins, your body's natural painkiller, also may be released when you show kindness.
Remember to be kind to yourself
When sharing kindness, it's not just how you treat other people, it's also about how you extend those same behaviors and intentions to yourself. When you practice gratitude, you become kinder to yourself, as well.
People are good at verbally beating themselves up. This does the opposite of giving yourself a pep talk. Rather, negativity often causes you to unravel and may even create a vicious cycle of regularly getting down on yourself. You wouldn't talk to your neighbor the way you sometimes speak to yourself. This is what I call the good neighbor policy. If you wouldn't say it to your good neighbor, don't say it about or to yourself. This can make sure you are showing yourself the kindness that you offer to others.
Take action and put kindness into practice daily
Start your day with this question: "How am I going to practice kindness today?" If necessary, document your evidence of kindness to others and especially to yourself during the day. This positive focus is like planting positive seeds in your mind garden. Where focus goes, energy flows.
Simple random acts of kindness ideas to try today
Not sure where to start? Begin small. Here are a few simple random acts of kindness you can put into practice right now:
- Bring a meal to a new parent or a neighbor going through a hard time
- Leave a kind note for someone who might need a lift
- Pay for the order of the person behind you in line
- Send a card to someone you've been meaning to check in with
- Volunteer an hour for a cause that matters to you
- Leave a five-star review for a small business you love
- Offer a genuine compliment to a stranger
The smallest gestures can shift someone's entire day. And more often than not, they'll shift yours too.
A random act of kindness for the new mom in your life
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